Ekrem Çulfa


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0533-373-81-23

 

Aile A Evlilik Danışmanı İlişki Uzmanı Prof Dr Ekrem Çulfa 0533-3738123
ekremculfa@hotmail.com
Perfectionists Fear of Failure
12/10/2020
Perfectionists Fear of Failure While they blame themselves, they don't trust their environment and constantly control them


Unhealthy perfectionism brings burnout after a while. In unhealthy perfectionists, situations such as excessive control arise. Trying to meet all the demands in life is extremely unhealthy. However, it is possible to reduce some demands radically. Many people place extreme demands and expectations of themselves in their private lives and jobs. Why should this be questioned? Nobody wants careless stitches made by a surgeon. Nobody wants to leave the construction of an airplane to engineers who don't pay attention to detail.
 
Of course, it is very pleasing for a person to see himself as a perfectionist or to achieve perfection. If we hadn't always been perfectionists in human development, we would probably still be washing our laundry by hand today. Much of the top performance is based on people not satisfied with being static. This goes for artists, athletes, company founders like Steve Jobs, the embodiment of the perfectionist.
 
So what's the problem with perfectionism?

There are unhealthy symptoms. These include behaviors such as overcontrol i.e. controlling everything twice and thrice. This includes failure to delegate. Likewise, over-planning, such as making all sorts of lists constantly, often delays decisions as they may be wrong.
 
A very basic question is, how well can one say no by refusing to meet certain requirements sometimes?

If he can't do this, if he feels irreplaceable, he usually has a problem. Actually, this is a special problem for perfectionists. It cannot admit any weaknesses, as this would be extremely flawed. Often the environment realizes that someone is overloading them without the person being aware of it. It is not without reason to assume that unhealthy perfectionism is a cause of suicide that should not be underestimated, because symptoms remain untreated for years. In psychology and psychiatry clinics, too, we often only see strong manifestations of dysfunctional perfectionism, such as depression and burnout.
  
For example, a person is '30 years old. I have three daughters, a house, a husband, a job, and still dreams that I want to realize, and I'm dying. This is because of me! ' If he says, what is it understood?

She could be a highly performance-oriented woman, possibly good looking, sure to do sports, professionally successful and looking to excel in every field, especially if she has children, including family. It is perfect to the point of collapse.
We can say that perfectionists have variable characteristics.
  
What is typical of perfectionism?

Perfectionism has almost always spread to every aspect of life. Work, partnership, children, hobbies, your own body. Typical is to continue working until you are no longer able to work. There is hardly anyone, professionally or privately, who wants to do everything the best possible and leave it to the other. As a rule, the demands are at least as high as in professional life.
 

It is extremely difficult to turn off, do nothing, enjoy music or food. He never gets lazy, because he sees laziness as a waste of time, as he may still have done something at that time. There is no trace of peace.

How common is perfectionism?

Most of them have varying degrees of perfectionist tendencies, incidentally men and women equally. About half of the people inclined to perfectionism can be described as "functional perfectionists." This is a healthy variant of this personality trait.
 
They are people who really want to be good but aren't afraid to make mistakes or maybe fail. Then he will not immediately question his entire personality. Those who may also enjoy the success of their actions and do not immediately think about the next hurdle. And first of all those who pay attention to their own needs, the fact that they need relaxation. So it's best to live with perfectionism. "
 
What are the characteristics of unhealthy perfectionism?
  
It is obvious that dysfunctional perfectionists are afraid of making mistakes. Dysfunctional perfectionists set high standards for themselves, but they are also afraid of making mistakes. They often doubt their performance abilities and fear not meeting others' expectations. When something goes wrong, they blame themselves for not being good enough. From the outside, such a fear of failure seems completely exaggerated.
 
But for those who are concerned, there is no good or bad nuance, no consolation. In addition, dysfunctional perfectionists often feel that other people don't like them anymore, or should be respected when they fail because they assume that they will be judged solely on their performance. This increases the fear of making mistakes. In order to avoid unhealthy perfectionism, the decisive factor should be regular breaks for rest and relaxation. Relaxation techniques such as breathing exercises or meditation can be helpful, or dealing with the soil, gardening, just listening to an audiobook in peace. Exercises that reduce stress should be done. Calm islets should be created consciously.
  
Perfectionists will say; 'It's easy for you to talk, of course it would be nice if I don't, but then everything stays where it is and things pile up'. This is the trap that lurks for such people. They think, "Only I can do this" you keep cleaning the back of the kids, you cook three kinds of food quickly, you iron the clothes yourself, because apparently nobody can do that well.
 
But saying that it doesn't matter if the rooms are cluttered, there is often no further progress on persuasive issues such as the advice to live with ready meals and wrinkly bedding. Telling a perfectionist not to have such high self-expectations is as illogical as telling an alcoholic to stop drinking. Perfectionism is a scheme that is applied to one's own image in the center of one's life environment. Therefore, only psychotherapy can help in the end. You can share your problems with us by calling our unhealthy perfectionism counseling +905447243650.

See you again on healthy perfectionist and peaceful days.


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